Five things on my mind, now.

By Nhi

  1. Fear of airport: Airport has been sad. In 2015, there is one time I smiled happily and there are two times I couldn’t hold my tears at the airport. I was smiling when I was the one who left New York to come back to Hanoi after three years. But three months later, I found myself tearing uncontrollably as I left for New York. My grandparents were behind me, waving and waiting until I could no longer be seen. I remembered me whispering, “Thank you so much” to them, then had my eyes stick to the ground as I couldn’t stop crying. My grandfather smiled and I remember the last word he said to before I left. “Nhi,” he said. Yes, just my name, which was accompanied by a smile and gentle pat on my back. A day before that, when they heard that my flight had been delayed to 2 AM due to the bad weather in Taipei (my transit destination), they said, “We would come to the airport and spend the night there with you, because we wouldn’t be able to sleep at home anyway.”
    Five months later, my Dad left for Hanoi and I was officially living by myself. Two days ago was the first time I cried at the JFK airport. He had done so much for my future.
  2. Missing someone: It is weird how random my dream is. Last night, I dreamed of a friend I was having a crush on for two years in middle school. Two years. Long time, isn’t it? But he never had an idea that I did, and right now, I think I still like him a little, which makes it harder to confess casually that I used to like him.
  3. Photography, Camera, Money: Of course, I can practice photography without an expensive camera. But man, that $2000 camera on sale is captivating me. Should I just not eat as much, promise myself that I will make money, and buy that camera? And yes, photos taken with the use of an expensive camera do look different.
  4. Kindness: I put up all the drawings that I received from some children this Christmas on the wall. I think I smiled a lot in front of them, because they all drew a smiley face as mine. I also received a postcard from Cu. That postcard, uhm, how it matters to me. A short message sent across the ocean warmed my heart at the start of 2016.
  5. 2016: Become a better photographer, more informed global citizen, more excellent cook, kinder person, sweeter friend. Figure out if I can create my own definition of what it means to be an adult, or I should just give up and follow what so many people expect from me (putting on makeup, wearing nicer clothes, going to bars, drinking, dating…). Ah, and talking of dating, I do hope to find love.

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